Making my mark
by myskinglitters
Summary: Bell Swan lives a life of introversion. But her safe little world comes crashing down when she develops an enormous crush on Edward Cullen, a shy nobody with full-on nerd tendencies. Will she learn to ignore her secret heartache or will she risk it for once in her life?
1. Chapter 1

"Bella."

"Yeah?", I looked up from my sketchbook and glanced over at my best friend, sprawled Cleopartra-like at the foot of my bed, complete with grapes and everything.

"I've been staring at you for the past five minutes," she said, popping a grape into her mouth.

"And?" I asked, emptying two hours' worth of pencil shavings into the trash can.

"You, my friend, have pretty decent legs."

"So?"

"So, I think you should wear shorts more."

"Uh, I should think not, Rose." I took one last look at my messy sketch and snapped the book closed.

"Yeah? And why's that?" She sat up, pulling her hair back into a ponytail.

"Because, I'm a hairy gal and this hairy gal thinks there are infinitely more interesting things to do than shaving your legs. " I finished, getting off the bed and putting the stationary away.

"Boo!", she yelled and threw a grape right at my head. "And you'd think people who're blessed with nice legs would use them."

"Well, you do the "using" part well enough for all the boys of this town." I snickered, looking over at her impeccable figure, clad in denim shorts and a large t-shirt. Her hair was loose and wild all around her face.

"You checkin' me out, woman?" She asked, her laughter ending in a snort.

I leaned over to her side of the bed and whispered ,"I didn't know how to tell you,Rose. But I do find you.. …what's that word?...irresistable."

Rose did her best gagging impression. I had to laugh. She grasped my arms and sat me down next to her.

"Well, since you're my best friend, I might do you a favor and sleep with you. But, me thinks you should save the flirting for Nerdward." She said, patting my head.

"What?" I spluttered, alarmed. I could feel the goddamn blush coming, and I fought the urge to hide under the pillow.

"Edward Cullen," she breathed, swooning right into my lap. "Oh, how I pine for your freckly face and retainer teeth. You do not know how it turns me on when you solve those math problems on the board."

"Tha- wha- I don't even- ", I choked, refusing to believe that this was actually happening. I'd done my best to keep it my pathetic little secret. How did she _know?_

She looked up at my blotchy, horror struck face and grinned a wide grin. "Oh, honey. You seriously didn't think I wouldn't notice, did you? I've caught you staring at him quite an embarrassing number of times, lady."

"Shit." I mumbled, slumping back onto the bed and finally stuffing my head under the pillow. I tried my best to ignore Rosalie ROFLing all over the carpet.

* * *

I tried my best not to peek over to my right and focused on the various paraphernalia Miss Webber had assembled on the desk at the front of the room. I picked up my pencil and started sketching the contours of the lamp, the fire extinguisher and the abacus. But, establishing my character as a woman of limited will power, I looked over at the boy sitting ahead of me to my right. He was clearly struggling; I could make out the shabby lines over his hunched-over frame. I could tell that the objects in his sketch were way out of proportion, and so could Miss Webber, who walked over to his easel and pointed out what he was doing wrong. I heard a low "Thank you", and she walked away again. I watched him run his hand through his hair. Pale, slender fingers and gorgeous auburn hair in all its messy glory.

I realized my mouth was slightly open. I called myself various bad names, turned towards my sketch and started moving my pencil furiously over the paper.

* * *

As soon as I heard the bell, I turned my sketch in, earning an appreciative smile and a "Very good, Swan. You're miles better already."

I grabbed my bookbag and rushed to the door at the same time Edward Cullen decided to leave. We bumped shoulders at the door, making me drop my pencil case.

"Oh. Shit. Sorry." He apologized and quickly bent down to get it. I was still frozen from the bodily contact from 2 seconds ago, that I was still staring at him when he straightened up and handed me the case. I realized I'd never seen him this close before. His nose and cheeks were absolutely claimed by freckles. His eyes were a really beautiful green.

"Uh, your sketch was great." He said, voice all soft and shy. He flashed a smile, exposing his retainers. And just as soon , the self-consciousness that comes with wearing a retainer showed up and closed up his mouth.

I saw him coming to the conclusion that I was speech impaired and started to walk down the hall, with a "Bye. Math class."

I stood there for two more minutes, feeling like I'd been hit on the head.

God, I was so screwed.


	2. Chapter 2

I sat down, setting my tray down on the table. I could hear Mike and Jessica fighting over something at the next table, which I was sure would result in a make-out session about 10 minutes later. I started jiggling my legs in impatience , wondering where Rosalie was. It was all kinds of weird to sit alone at a cafeteria table. You needed no other test to find out where you stood in the social hierarchy. I heard footsteps coming up from behind me and I turned around to find Rosalie with her food tray. She sat down across from me. "Sorry Bells. I kinda had a ..um, situation. "

She was staring right at her tray and I could tell she was breathing fast. Her cheeks were rather pink.

Before I could ask what was wrong, I heard someone call her name very loudly from behind me. Rosalie whipped her head up, and in a flash, a big, curly haired guy had sat down at our table was kissing Rose. I stiffened, staring at the wild display happening right in front of me. He had his hands in her hair and she was hanging on to his collar like her life depended on it. They made quite a lot of disturbing noises. Having no other choice, I picked up and set my tray down hard on the tabletop. They jumped apart, both of them red in the face.

"Shit. Sorry Bella." Rosalie breathed. "Uh, this is Emmett McCarty."She gestured towards the guy.

"Hey there." He grinned, slinging his arm over Rosalie.

I managed a smile. I knew who he was. He was a senior and all around athlete. Half the girls in our year drooled over him. Quite a player too, from what I'd gathered from my discreet eavesdropping sessions. Of course, it was only a matter of time before he went after Rose. She was one of the hot ones, after all.

"You don't mind if I sit here, do you?" He asked, and I shook my head.

"Don't you speak?"

"Emmett." Rosalie threw him a sharp look.

"Aw, sorry" He said, looking over at her.

He turned to me. "Look, people keep telling me I'm a douchebag and I probably am. But this lady right here is hot so I'll try not being one. I'm sorry."

"It's okay." I mumbled.

"I'm starving !" He yelled, making me wince. "I'm gonna go get some food."

Just like that, he got up and went over to the counter.

Rosalie was looking at me. "Ugh. Just don't say anything Bella."She put her head down on the table with a groan.

"I wasn't going to." I smiled.

"Look." She started, looking up. "He's been after me for the past couple of weeks saying he wanted to take me out. You know he has a reputation around here. I kept telling him no, but today, he catches up with me at the locker, and just , BAM, kisses me."

I raised my eyebrows.

"And…"She groaned again."Well, it was nice, Bells. I've puckered up for a lot of guys but nobody's kissed me like _that_. And now, I don't know what to do with him."

"It's okay, Rose. But be careful, all right? You know he…." Before I could finish what I was saying, I heard loud footsteps.

"Rosalie, Bella! You don't mind if Cullen here sits with us, do you?"

This could not be happening.

I froze in my seat and watched Rosalie look past my shoulder, a smile spreading across her face.

"Not at all." She was grinning now, giving me a look.

I saw Emmett sit down next to Rosalie and at the same time, heard the chair next to me being moved back.

It was scary how aware of him I was. Goosebumps broke out on my arm, and I pushed down the sleeves of my sweater, hiding them under the table.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Emmett spread out a few books over the table, munching on a sandwich with his other hand.

"Cullen here's helping me out with some last minute math stuff. I've got a test next period. " He clarified.

"He's an advanced placement kid. Little nerd's really smart."

"He didn't bully you into doing this, did he?" Rosalie raised her eyebrows at Edward.

"Uh, no. I'm doing this willingly. " He laughed.

God, he laughed.

I suspected I was physically drooling. Little men were doing somersaults in my stomach.

I heard him point out a few sums to Emmett, telling him to go over them a few times. I looked at Rose, all smug and happy. Little bitch.

After the most tense 10 minutes of my life, Emmett stuffed his books into his backpack, kissed Rosalie and walked away with a "Thanks Cullen."

Rose stared after him for a few seconds. Very abruptly, she got up, picked up her tray and said "Well, Bells, see you in History." She grinned at me and glanced briefly at Edward.

No. No way. She wasn't about to leave me alone with….

"Bye you two!" She was already halfway across the room.


	3. Chapter 3

A few moments of painful silence passed.

"Um, I'd better get going." He mumbled, got up,and started gathering his things.

Panic sprang up in my chest and crept down my stomach. I was actually sweating.

"Wait."

Jesus Christ. Did that just come out of my mouth?

He paused his activities midway and turned to stare at me. "Yeah?"

"Uh, I noticed , um, that day in art class….well, I noticed that you had trouble with your lines."

I went on stammering, my fists tightly balled on my lap.

"Yeah, I've been having art trouble." He smiled, a little sheepish.

That fact that he did not seem to be creeped out gave me a tiny bit of encouragement.

"It comes with confidence. I had trouble with it for a long time. But then you'll have to kind of accept that you're gonna make mistakes anyway and just put those lines down. And…", I paused, watching him sit back down.

"I'm listening."

"..and that's pretty much it, yeah." I wanted to punch myself in the face. I probably sounded like a pretentious know-it-all.I looked up at him, at a complete loss of what I should do next.

"Thanks. I'll try that next time." He smiled, and busied himself with stacking his books."You know, we've never talked much."

"Um,I don't talk much." Nice. Great. I should just seal my trap shut and take care of that forever.

"Neither do I. And when you're a dork, there're only a handful of people who're willing to talk to you."

"Join the club", I mumbled.

He let out a tiny sigh."Been there all my life, Bella."

Oh my God, he said my name. And as if I wasn't tongue-tied already, it temporarily destroyed that part of my brain which once supported coherent speech. We spent the next few seconds in awkward silence.

"I don't think you're a dork, though."

He turned towards me again. His eyebrows climbed higher on his forehead.

He shook his head."Oh, trust me, I kind of am."

"No, I don't think so."

 _I think you are beautiful and perfect._

I wished he could just read my mind. But on second thought, that would just gross him out and chase him away.

"Thank you", he said, grinning a wide, genuine grin, retainers and all. And I couldn't look at him any longer. It was too much for the heart. I smiled and looked down at my lap.

Right at that moment, the bell rang, snapping me out of it. I suddenly realized I didn't have a single bite of food and I was completely starving.

"I think I'll leave now. Uh, see you later." He jumped up, picked up his bag and started walking.

"Bye, Bella." He called over his shoulder.

"Bye, Edward." I sighed miserably, but I didn't think he heard me.

* * *

I watched my mom as she put on her glasses and squinted at the loose button she was trying to sew on .

"Don't try so hard, mom. You'll blow something."

"You're right, I give up", she exhaled. She sat back on the couch and tossed the blouse over to the side. "I need new glasses. Can't see a thing out of these."

She leaned back and closed her eyes for a moment.

"Bella."

"Yeah?"

"It's Friday night, honey."

"I know that, mom."

"Well, then don't you have better things to do?" She sat up, looking me right in the eye.

"What exactly am I supposed to be doing, mom?", I asked, trying my best not to snap at her. I already knew where this conversation was going.

"I don't know! Just, hanging out, talking to people… getting laid…"

"Mom!"

"Well, you should be."

"Then I'm sorry I don't go out every other night sleeping around, causing trouble and getting arrested by the cops!" I glared at her.

She half-laughed, massaging her temples. "Oh, honey, you know that's not what I mean."

"It's not your fault you have an ugly daughter, mom." I muttered.

"What's that?" She sat up straight, completely riled.

"Nothing."

"Now don't use that on me. It's perfectly easy to sit around and feel sorry for yourself all time! It's even easier for you to get stuck that way your entire life, honey." She said, studying my face." When I was in high school, Bella, I had acne, a bad perm and tiny boobs. But I still got to date your dad, and he was one of the most popular guys in school. My girlfriends were absolutely shocked. It's not like I cooked up a love potion and poured it down his throat. I knew what I wanted and I went for it."

She sighed, shaking her head. "You gotta _try_ , Bells. It's the only way. "

"I have stuff to do, mom." I said, cutting her off." I'm going to my room." I got up from the couch, and headed for the staircase.

* * *

It was Monday, and I still hung over from doing nothing over the weekend. I started doodling around the margins of my notebook, trying my best not to pay attention to my surroundings.

"Hello….Bella?"

I looked up, and there was Lauren Mallory, holding a box and examining my surprised face with her eyebrows raised. She set the box down on my desk. It was full of cans of paint and old, worn-out brushes.

"Dude, it's prom next week."

"I know, Lauren."

Boy, did I know it. The event I'd been dreading since I started high school.

"So, we need some help with painting banners, and setting up decorations and almost everybody else is on other stuff. I'm in charge of music, Eric's in charge of food, Jessica's doing the invites…."

"Uh, can't". I interrupted.

"But you never volunteer for anything!"

"I'm sorry." I was starting to get irritated.

"Well, I'm not letting you off that easy. You have to be at the gym today after class,around five. And you won't be doing everything by yourself. I got Cullen to help you. He's not getting off the hook either."

She stopped, looking at me. I gave her my best "Leave me alone" look.

"I'm sorry. But come on, Bella. Do one for the ?" She smiled half a smile.

I seriously had to learn how to say no to people."I'll try." I mumbled.

"Great!" She clapped me on the shoulder and walked over to her desk.

I put my head down on the desk, freaking out about my little appointment with Edward at 5. But I couldn't help but feel the tiniest bit of anticipation at the back of my mind.

* * *

Even though I tried my best not to be on time at the gym and seem like an eager idiot, I ended showing up at about 5:05. But I saw Edward was already there, watching Eric chase down Angela, threatening to squirt her with glue. He sat at the farthest corner of the gym, playing absentmindedly with the rolls of paper Lauren had put there for us to work with.

I stood there staring at him, and out of nowhere, a huge wave of affection welled up in my chest. _Don't you fucking cry,_ I told myself. It was one of those weird things my body seemed to do whenever I experienced an emotion of considerable intensity.

He didn't seem to notice when I started walking towards him.

I dumped my bag on the floor and sat cross-legged beside him. He was still looking the other way.

"Hey."

He turned around with a start. "Oh, hey."

"So, Lauren roped you into this, huh?" That's it, Bella Swan. Make small talk. Like normal people.

He ran a hand through his hair and sighed."Yep."

 _Shit. He's not the least bit interested._

I bit my lip, all effort at small talk already out the window. "Uh, I can do this by myself if you… if you'd rather be…."

"Oh, it's fine", he turned to face me, his eyes widening."It's cool. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come across as… well, you should know I'm not very good at this, but I'll try my best to help you."He finished, throwing me an uncertain smile.

I nodded, quietly handing him a stack of colored paper. I took one for myself and looked at him.

"Uh, I think we'll do some origami flowers first. Do you know how to?"

He shook his head.

"Then if you'd watch me, I can show you." He pursed his lips and nodded.

I took him through the whole thing step by step. He was watching very intently, and I noticed he had moved even closer to me. And to nobody's surprise, goosebumps sprang up everywhere on my body.

I silently thanked the heavens for making me wear long sleeves.

Frankly, it was all too much for me and it made me incredibly sad that I was the only one who seemed to be experiencing it. I would burn, burn and burn and eventually, I would just burn out, without me getting anything meaningful out of it. My eyes started stinging, and I gritted my teeth, trying to hold the tears in. I was a complete mess. _Must be PMS._

"There. It's done." I let out a huge gust of air. I tossed the paper flower onto his lap, and started flattening out the rolls of paper. I opened the paint cans and started mixing red and white until I got the right shade of pink. I examined the damaged edges of the brushes. I sighed, and started painting the roses Lauren had asked for for just before class ended.

The gym seemed to grow silent all of a sudden. I looked up and realized everybody had already left, leaving the two of us alone. I turned to look at Edward.

He was staring at me, the flower still on his lap.

He gave a little start and turned away, with a "sorry, I'm on it."

I got back to painting and I could hear him creasing paper, and after a minute, tossing it aside. I got back to my work.

A long time passed without either of us saying a word. It had started to get dark outside the window.

I added finishing touches to the flowers and stood up to examine them.

 _I guess they'll do._

I turned around to find that Edward had a big pile of flowers next to him, and he was staring at the ones I'd painted.

"They're really pretty. Very realistic." He smiled up at me."You're really talented."

My heart swelled at the compliment, and I smiled back at him. "I don't know."I muttered, picking up a flower from his pile. It was perfect.

"You're really good with paper."

He smiled and shook his head, all modest and adorable. "I like working with paper. I have a whole collection of Archimedean solids that I made out of paper." He looked up at me and grinned."I'm kind of a Geometry nut."

"I think that's amazing."

"It's really not."He smiled at the ground.

I stood there staring at his shy little smile and I just…I just wanted him so badly it physically hurt. I'd had crushes before, but not one of them had lasted more than one or two months. They were extremely inconvenient and mildly annoying at most; never painful. This was a whole new level of intense and it honestly scared me.

I told myself to snap out of it. "It's getting pretty late. I'll just get this stuff and put them in my locker."

I started rolling up the painting and putting the cans and brushes back into the box. Edward gathered all of his work and stuffed them into a plastic bag.

"Uh, you ready to leave?"

He nodded.

I walked towards the gym doors, pushed it open with my hip, and held it open for Edward.

"Thanks."He smiled, concentrating on not dropping anything.

We walked side by side down the hall, our footsteps echoing off the walls. The janitor walked by, switching off lights and locking up as he went. "Time to leave, kids!", he called at us.

"Yeah, in a minute." We set everything down by the lockers. I stuffed my locker to its maximum capacity without ruining anything and gave the rest to Edward to put in his.

The overhead lights went out, leaving just one at the farthest end of the hall. "I'm gonna go lock up the gym. " The janitor called. "We're closing up in two minutes."He reminded.

I looked at Edward. His face was just barely visible , and whatever light remained reflected off his eyes and made them shine. "I actually had a really good time." I could see his teeth, he was smiling.

Out of nowhere, I felt a painful stab of urgency. I saw my mom's face before me, telling me to _try_.

Before I could think, I was closing the space between us. Before I could tell myself to stop, my body was acting on its own and grabbing him by the shoulders. I felt him stiffen up, heard him call my name. "Bella?"

But I just couldn't stop.

I brought his face down to mine. I closed my eyes and pressed my lips to his.

It felt like my body was absorbing the warmth from his lips, letting it spread out in my chest and descend into my stomach before seeping into the place between my legs. I held him tighter against me, and I felt goosebumps bloom on my skin. My body was completely surrendering to everything I'd held back, but the voice in my head told me to loosen my grip on him. The voice got louder and louder until I broke away from him with a loud gasp. All the warmth from my body rushed out, leaving me cold and empty.

At the exact moment I realized what I'd done, I staggered back and sprinted down the hall and out the exit. I did not look back at him.


	4. Chapter 4

I woke up the next morning with a horrendous stomach ache. My back hurt like hell and on top of it all, I was bleeding like a butchered pig. But I had to admit, the period induced aches and sores were nothing compared to my state of mind. I was completely, absolutely depressed.

Mom came upstairs to check on me when it was about half an hour to go until school time and I still hadn't shown up for breakfast. She caught me just as I was stepping out of the bathroom. She took one look at me and decided that I needn't go to school for the day. She made me eat a whole bowl of oatmeal, and gave me a pill for the pain. Then she sat on my bed for a couple of minutes, just staring at me.

"Bella..", she began, "if there's anything wrong, you know you can tell me, right?" She looked at me anxiously, and I felt awful. She didn't deserve to see this.

"There's nothing wrong, mom. I don't feel well, that's all."

I turned my face away, burying my face in the pillow. I heard my mom let out a tiny sigh, and felt her hand against my leg. The bed creaked as she got up, and I heard her shut the door. After a while, I heard the front door close, followed by the sound of her old truck starting. The sound slowly died away as she drove down the road. I knew I'd made her incredibly late for work.

I turned over in bed, facing the ceiling. Finally, I was alone in the house. And all the things I was trying so hard not to think about slowly crawled back into my head with embarrassing clarity. I thought about how he had looked in the almost-darkness, and how I found him so, so beautiful. I shut my eyes and I could truly feel the ghost of his lips on mine, dry but still so soft and warm. The feeling was incredible and absolutely perfect.

But as wonderful as my first kiss had been, I realised that I'd taken it from him forcefully, assaulted him when he least expected it. But worst of all was the realisation that I'd completely exposed myself, made all the aches of my heart and other parts of my body apparent to him.

Smothered by embarrassment, tears welled up in my eyes and I let myself cry. And from the very bottom of my heart, from the core of my very being, I wished I was Roaslie. I wished I was beautiful, fearless, and smart. I wished I was Rosalie, who dazzled every single person she talked to.

I wished I was her, because if she had kissed him, in all her loveliness, he would have kissed her back. I wanted him to love me back, wanted his heart to hammer against his chest when he saw me, wanted him to feel like he was drowning and floating at the same time when his lips touched mine, wanted him to feel an affection so deep that it would stun him. I wanted him to feel for me all the things that I felt for him.

Somewhere in the middle of all the noise of my thoughts, my exhausted brain feel asleep. When I woke up again, I saw dust motes dance in the clear golden evening light that streamed in through my window, and registered the doorbell ring. I jumped up from my bed, and felt that I'd bled through my pants. Irritation and disgust prickling every inch of my skin, I started pulling them off. The door bell rang again, and four more times in succession.

"I'm coming!" I yelled, pulling them back on and running down the stairs. I wrenched open the door to find Rosalie standing on the porch.

"Bella, you look like shit!" She exclaimed, letting herself in. I slammed the door closed, making Rose wince. She kept staring at me and I kept staring back.

"You weren't at school today, and you wouldn't answer your phone." She began, taking in my knotted hair and blotchy face.

"I turned off the ringer."

"So I called Renee." She continued, ignoring me," and she said you had a bad stomach ache."

For some reason, I couldn't look her in the face anymore. She was very good at staring me down.

"The Bella Swan I know has never skipped a day of school. I know this isn't just about a stomach ache….."

"I FUCKING KISSED HIM, OKAY?" I yelled, resisting a great urge to kick something. I could feel the heat crawling up my cheeks. I turned away from Rosalie, walked to the living room and slumped down on my couch. It took her a few seconds to follow me in. She quietly sat down by my side.

"Edward?"

I let out a snort. "Who else comes to mind?"

"Honestly, Bells, I don't see what you're upset about."

"You wouldn't understand even if I told you." I said bitterly, looking down at the ground.

"Let's not jump to fucking conclusions just yet. Why don't you try me?" Rosalie snapped, her voice growing louder at every word. "Jesus Christ Bella, look at me!" She grabbed my face and turned it towards hers.

I still kept my eyes down. "I probably scared him away"I whispered. "I kissed him. He didn't kiss me back. "

"Bells.."

"It would be stupid of me to think otherwise. I don't blame him. I'm not exactly the most desirable girl around." I managed a weak laugh.

"Bella listen to me," she began, putting an arm around me. "You're a great girl."

"You know who else tells me that? My mom."

"You don't want to a smartass right now, Bella, trust me. "

"I wasn't…."

"What I'm saying is, you're the funniest, kindest, smartest person I know. If he can't see it, then it's his loss, Bella. And honestly, I don't think you're trying."

"After practically throwing myself at him, you don't think I'm _trying_? Really, Rosalie? And how much effort did you put into getting McCarty to notice you? "

I turned to look at her, and she was looking at me with her eyes narrowed.

"See, absolutely nothing. Some people _get_ noticed, Rose. I'm not one of them."

"Maybe that's true." She said. I knew I was the one who put it out there, but it still hurt to have it confirmed.

"But once you open up, it's very hard to not notice you. You're one of the good ones, Bella. Just give it a tiny bit of thought okay? For me? That maybe, just maybe, that you got a little too comfortable in that shell of yours. Very few people have seen the real you, Bells." She looked me straight in the eye.

I nodded.

"Now get up, go upstairs and take a shower." She got up from the couch, dragging me with her. "I'll make you coffee."

I watched her walk away to the kitchen, and felt a tiny bit less miserable. I climbed up the stairs, feeling better with each step. And I thanked the heavens for giving me Rosalie Hale.

* * *

The next morning, I tried really hard to make it up to Renee. I got up early, watered her plants and made coffee, engaged in cheerful conversation and assured her I was completely fine. I took my time in the shower, letting the hot water clear my head. Most days I rushed out of my room with a brief glance in the mirror, but today I took my time drying and combing out my hair. I wore my best sweater, the only one which stood out from my boring clothes. I braided my hair and put on the only pair of earrings I owned.

I'd given things a lot of thought overnight and realised how absolutely pathetic I'd acted the other day. Self-pity wasn't going to help me. I had to snap out of it and live the best way I could with whatever I had. I wouldn't bother Edward Cullen anymore. I'd pretend like he didn't exist, and he would obviously do the same. I had to get over it. It would take work, but I was determined to make it happen.

The sun was out, and it considerably brightened my mood. I was almost happy when I reached school, and found Rosalie at the entrance. Emmett was with her, his hands around her waist. She spotted me, and waved. She said something to him, gave him a quick kiss and walked towards me. "You'd better stop stealing my girlfriend away from me, Swan." He yelled. Half the people next to him turned to stare.

"You should, um, probably…." I began, embarrassed. "Oh, screw him." Rosalie said, walking beside me. She turned to show him her middle finger."I like you better than him anyway." She laughed.

"Really? I thought the fact that he has a dick would earn him some brownie points."

"Well, I haven't done it with him yet, so….."

"Seriously?"I rasied my eyebrows.

"Yeah, I'm testing his strength." She smiled. "You look nice, by the way."

"Thanks." I muttered, and turned to pull out the stuff I needed from my locker. I saw that it was almost full from all the prom decorations that we'd made, and felt my heart contract. I shouldn't think about it, I told myself.

I waited for Rosalie to get her stuff and we walked together to Biology.

* * *

"All right, Edward, step up please."

Footsteps.

"Stand up straight over there and put your right hand on your hip. Loosen your left hand. That's right" Miss Webber pushed his chin up, and turned to face us. "We'll be doing human figure drawing for our next few classes, and you'll all take turns posing. We'll start with Cullen. I want you to pay attention to the proportion and the lighting. Let's get started, you have half an hour."

Shit. Fuck me. This day was not going according to plan. I was determined to not even look at him, and then art class happened and put me in a position where I'd have to stare at him continuously for half an hour. My heart started hammering and my palms started sweating, and I desperately tried to calm myself down. This was more hard work than I was anticipating.

But I had to snap out of it. Half an hour and it would be over.

I forced myself to look up from my lap.

He was looking straight ahead, and he was standing up straight, his slouch all but gone. But I could tell he was feeling awkward, with the whole class staring up at him. His cheeks were pink, and his forehead was slightly clammy. My heart beat even harder and I wondered how many people could hear it.

I picked up my pencil and started putting down the basic lines. I avoided looking at him as much as possible, trusting my memory to do the job. Once the basic figure was done, I had to look at him to start sketching in his face. I spent a few seconds more than necessary on his lips, remembering the feel of it. I shook my head very lightly to clear it and looked at him again. He was looking right at me.

I felt myself freeze. For a few seconds, I couldn't look away. He was the first to snap out of it and looked straight ahead, his posture a little more tense than before.

I took a deep breath, and picked up my pencil again, determined to be detached as possible, and treat him as if he was just one of Miss Webber's fruit baskets. I could draw a fruit basket and it wouldn't affect me.


	5. Chapter 5

As soon as I'd added the last few strokes to my drawing, I got right onto packing up my stuff, ready to leave the room as soon the bell rang. I glanced over to my side, and Jessica Stanley was furiously drawing away at her easel. Right next to her, Mike Newton kept making a few hesitant lines, scrutinising them and attacking them with his eraser. There was still ten minutes to go, and I was the only one who was done. Miss Webber must have noticed it too, so she came over from her desk and looked at my drawing.

"I really like this one, Bella. You've managed to capture him. The lighting is fine…proportions are good….", she went on, "but it's kind of stiff, don't you think?"

I nodded.

"Loosen up your hand a bit more, all right? Come on, let yourself go." She whacked me on my shoulder, moving on to the next person.

I heard her tell Jessica that she spent too much time on the face and that she needed to work on her proportions a lot more. Mike got a big lecture that he wasn't being bold enough, and Eric got told off that if he wasn't interested enough, he shouldn't even bother to try.

I kept my eyes firmly down all the while. My prayers were answered when the bell rang two minutes later. Miss Webber told Edward that he could step down and started collecting the drawings. I flung my backpack over my shoulder and rushed to the door.

"Bella!"

I squeezed my eyes shut, not turning just yet. I didn't ask for a confrontation, and I never anticipated that he would initiate one. I wanted to walk away so badly, to pretend that I didn't hear him. But I couldn't. I stopped and turned, and he was walking towards me.

"I didn't know this one could talk." Jessica laughed as she walked by me. "First time I've heard your voice, Cullen," she called out to him.

He ignored her. He was right next to me and I noticed that his face was flushed. And so was mine, probably.

"Can I talk to you?" He asked.

It took every bit of my guts to look him in the eye and resist the urge to run.

"Okay."

He looked around him and spotted Jessica and Mike guffawing over something. They kept throwing looks in our direction.

"Somewhere else? Do you mind?"

"I don't mind."

"Please wait a minute. Let me get my stuff?"

I nodded. I stared after him as he walked back in. I was terrified at the way things were going. What in the world would he want to talk about? All I wanted was to pretend he was invisible and him to treat me the same way. I was biting my lip so hard I tasted blood.

"Let's go." He said, and walked ahead of me. I followed, my stomach twisting and turning horribly. I kept my eyes on his back. He was slouching again, and he kept his head down. We went past the classrooms and the cafeteria to the stairs, and I followed him down to the lawn next to the parking lot. It was afternoon and classes were still on, so it was deserted.

"We should be in class" I muttered.

"I know. I'm sorry, but..I had to, um…" He trailed off, and looked down.

I couldn't take it anymore. One more second of this and I'd die.

"Edward. I'm sorry. I didn't know what I was doing the other day when I….well, when I kissed you. The truth is, I've had a crush on you for quite some time now. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable …I just…" I looked at him desperately.

He was staring at me, brow furrowed and eyes wide.

"I just….I just wanted to say I'm sorry." I finished.

He kept on looking at me for a few more seconds. He exhaled hard, like he was holding his breath.

"It's okay. You didn't make me uncomfortable or anything…. It's fine. It just worried me a bit when you ran out like that after you…Listen, Bella. I'm sorry if it was weird for you. It's just that…well, to put it mildly, I'm kind of inexperienced." He laughed, but his face was full of embarrassment.

"You'd never, uh, kissed anybody before?"

"No."

He looked so helpless and frustrated, and his flushed skin just made his freckles look heavenly. And at that moment, all I wanted to do was kiss him again.

"Me too."

I saw surprise in his eyes. "I'm sorry it had to be me," he smiled.

"I'm not." I blurted out, startled at myself. "I mean, um, it was nice, for me."

He didn't say anything for a few seconds. He just kept his eyes on the ground. Then he looked up at me slowly.

"The reason I wanted to talk to you, Bella is that…I think you're a great person. You're one of the very few people in this school that I actually like. It'd mean a lot to me if we… well, if we could be friends."

Friends.

"I don't think that's a good idea, Edward."

"Oh." He breathed. He opened his mouth to say something, but I cut him off.

"It's fine. I think you're wonderful. But I don't think I'm capable of being friends with you while harbouring this damn crush. It'd be really difficult. Thank you for talking to me, anyway. I should get going now. I think you should too. Let's just forget the whole thing, all right?"

I turned around, walking as fast as I could. I didn't hear him follow me in.

* * *

"These are fantastic Bella. Great job! Tell Cullen too, if you see him around. I've to go now. Bye!" I watched Lauren walk away with all the prom decorations we'd made.

I leaned back against the lockers, checking my watch. One more hour of school to go. I was just about to head to my last class when I saw Edward hurry towards me from across the hall. He stopped right in front of me, his face even more flushed than before.

"Bella. I'm bad at talking. Stuff never comes out right." He was panting a bit, his eyes bright.

I stared at him, wondering what he was doing. I thought I'd closed the whole thing up for good.

"It was…it was nice for me too."

"What?" I couldn't believe my ears. My heart was already sprinting.

"Will go to prom? Uh, with me?" He asked, eyes wide and boring straight into mine.

My mind went strangely hazy, and I just kept staring at him.

"I'd understand if you don't want to…I mean, it's completely fine, uh, I don't know how to do this sort of thing…."

"Yes."

"Uh, what?"

"That'd be great. Yeah." I smiled, happiness rushing to each and every pore of my body. I wouldn't have been surprised if I'd floated right off the ground then.

"Great. Cool. Thank you." He smiled back. He'd never looked more beautiful."I have class now. So I'll catch you later?"

"Yeah."

Even after he left, I stood there in the crowded hallway smiling for a good two minutes.


	6. Chapter 6

"God, you are so _fussy_!" Rosalie exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air and falling back on the sofa. I could see her reflection in the mirror, and I could tell she was readily growing pissed. I looked at my reflection once more, biting my lip. The blue dress that I was wearing had an extremely low-cut neck, and it exposed my boobs a lot more than I was comfortable with.

"Too much cleavage, Rose."

"Well, you're a girl, you have boobs. Get over it, Bella. Besides, Nerdward will be delighted." She snickered.

I grimaced at her in the mirror. "Shut up,"I mumbled.

I was getting more and more wierded out by what I was wearing the longer I stared at myself. I decided that I wasn't confident enough to pull it off.

"This is not working, Rose." I sighed. Dress shopping was proving to be absolutely horrible.

"What? This one's perfect! Your boobs look great, so does your butt and the blue goes really well with your skin!" She said, exasperated.

"Uh, no."

She let out a groan. "Fine. You've rejected all five dresses that I picked out for you. Now you pick one."

I changed into my clothes in the trial room, and began to look at the rest of the prom dresses section. They didn't have much to choose from. The store was one of the very few clothing stores in Forks, and it was run by this very old couple who catered to high school social events, but didn't quite have the right taste for it.

A few minutes into it, I spotted a white dress that looked pretty safe. It was very plain, and the only embellishment it had was a few white beads stitched around the neck. It kind of billowed out from the waist into a light, lacey kind of fabric that just stopped short of my calves. I grabbed it and changed into it really quickly.

"Well?" I asked, standing before Rosalie.

"Oh come on, Bella. This looks like something my grandmother would wear to church."

"This one doesn't make me uncomfortable Rose. I'll be freaking out all over the place then anyway. Why add to it?" The whole idea of prom loomed before me, and it was really starting to make me nervous.

She looked at me like she was deeply disappointed. "Fine. Have it your way."She said, shaking her head.

We got the stuff packed, paid for it and walked to where Rosalie had parked her car. We got in without a word.

Prom was only a day away. I hadn't realised that it was that big a deal. The girls were all out, probably somewhere in Seattle, spending hours to find the perfect prom dress, for the perfect hairdo, the perfect nails. The excitement was so high, it was all anybody could talk about. Proms were usually very low-key events in Forks, but that didn't stop anybody from getting ridiculously worked up over it.

It was the first time anybody had ever asked me out. It just happened to be Edward Cullen, and the memory of it sent a thousand butterflies fluttering in my stomach, and made my heart race. It was almost too good to be true. And the very thought of just being with him slowly eased away my nervousness about prom. I might even have felt a tiny bit of excitement. I let out a sigh and watched the grubby buildings and the wild greenery speed past the window.

Rosalie stopped the car in front of my house.

"Thank you for putting up with me today, Rose."

She shook her head. "Bella, you doof."

She looked at me, and this time, she was smiling. "I'm really happy for you, though."

* * *

Rosalie inspected herself in the mirror, pursing her lips and fluffing out her hair. She wore a full length shimmery black dress that hugged her body all along, occasionally exposing her perfect legs from underneath a slit that ran all the way from her lower thigh before flaring out to the ground. Her naturally wavy hair hung loose over her back. Her face had no makeup on except for her lips, which now wore a really dark shade of red. I watched her put on a very delicate looking silver bracelet. She took a final look in the mirror and turned to face me.

"How do I look?"

I couldn't answer her for a minute. She looked absolutely glorious and impossibly sexy. Every single male in Forks high would be drooling over her tonight.

"You look like a dream, Rose." I said, smiling up at her.

She stuck out her tongue and crossed her eyes, making me laugh.

"Alright, I gotta go call Emmett and see if he has any plans at all for picking me up." She rolled her eyes, walking out of the room.

The giant mirror over her dressing table reflected back her messy room, and me in the middle of it all, half sunk into Rosalie's extra squishy mattress. I started to bite my lip and stopped myself, realising I had lip gloss on. Rosalie had shouted me down for refusing to put on makeup. She made me wear eyeliner and blow-dried my hair. The top part of my head was done in elaborate braids, at the end of which she had tied a length of thin silver ribbon. The rest of my hair hung loose over my shoulders. This was the most dressed up I had ever been, but I still looked as boring as a block of wood next to Rosalie.

I played with my dress, twisting the fabric in my hands. I glanced at Rosalie's John Lennon clock; the hour hand was inching past his chin. It was almost seven. I'd given Edward my home number at school, and as promised, he'd called me as soon as I reached home. The sound of his shy, quiet voice sent a beautiful kind of warmth trickling through me and I remembered pressing the phone closer. We'd confirmed that he'd pick me up at Rosalie's house, and after we'd run out of asinine things to talk about, we hung up.

I heard a car pull up downstairs and I jumped up with a yelp. I rushed to the window and pushed back the curtains, and watched Edward get out of a very old Volkswagen. With my heart beating in my throat, I hurried downstairs, and almost crashed into Rosalie. She caught me by my shoulders, steadying me. "Your date's here!" she squealed. Right then, the doorbell rang, making me catch my breath.

"Bella will get it!" Rose shouted downstairs to her parents. Then she drew me in for a hug. "Emmett's picking me up in five minutes, so I'll meet you there. Now go and charm the shit out of that fucker."

"Okay", I breathed, making my way to the living room. Mr and Mrs Hale were on the couch, watching TV. "Have a great time, honey!" Mrs Hale called, blowing me a kiss.

"Thanks." I grinned.

I felt that my face was very hot and I was starting to sweat. I took a deep breath and then opened the front door.

And there he was.

He'd made an attempt to tame his hair, and the gel made it even darker than usual, making his face look even paler. His cheeks were stained pink and when he grinned at me, I took in the absence of retainers. I grinned back at him. "Hey."

"Hi."

We just stood there for a couple of seconds, smiling at each other.

"You're gonna be late, kids. Better get going." Mr Hale was leaning against the wall behind us. "You must be Edward." He added.

"Yeah." Edward said, and they shook hands.

"Don't stay out until too late, all right? And take care of our girl."

I felt a lump well up in my throat. It sounded like something my dad might've said if he was still around.

"Let's go." I told Edward, giving Mr Hale a tiny wave.

I was a little surprised to find a dark haired woman sitting in the driver's seat. "This is my sister, Alice." Edward explained, opening the door of the back seat for me. "She was in town so she offered to drive us."

"I didn't know you had a sister."

"Wow. Talk about me much, Edward?" Alice asked dryly.

Edward smiled, getting in beside me.

"Anyway, I'm really glad to meet you Bella. I was totally convinced my brother was socially retarded until now. So thanks for that." She laughed, starting the car.

"Well, I'm not exactly the most popular person either." I said, glancing at Edward. He was looking out the window, smiling to himself.

"Fuck that. Popularity is overrated anyway."

Alice kept talking to us all throughout the ride to school, and I felt extremely comfortable talking to her. She was sarcastic, funny and very smart. Occasionally, she would talk about Edward, about how he'd named a tree in his neighbourhood when he was a kid, and cried when it had to be cut down for the road to be widened. Or the fact that he'd had a crush on Daphne from Scooby-Doo. Edward would just shake his head and tell her to shut up. Then she would talk about herself. She lived in Seattle with her boyfriend. She'd dropped out of med school to open a bookstore in the city, which they ran together. But most of all, Alice and Edward had this subtle, quiet fondness for each other even when they were arguing, which I couldn't help but envy.

Alice pulled up the car in front of the gates and got out with us. I hadn't really looked at her in the car. She was shorter than me and extremely pale-faced like her brother. She was wearing quite an ornately embroidered vest over a t-shirt and a bright red skirt. Her stockings had peacock feather prints. She had different earrings for each of her earlobes. I found her really pretty. She wasn't Rosalie, but her whole appearance just spoke for itself.

"You kids have fun." She said, and took turns hugging me and Edward. Before leaving, she grabbed Edward by the arm and said, "I like your girlfriend." She threw a wink at me and got in the car.

I was too thrown off to say anything, so I just stood there and blinked. Edward sensed the tension, so he just waved her away and said something about going in.

The school grounds were all decorated with fairy lights and hanging prom was only happening inside the school gym, so people had really gone all out making the place as presentable as possible. We walked silently to the gym and my ears picked up a consistent banging coming from behind the closed doors. As soon as we opened the door, the music hit us in the face. The place was all darkened up, and they had temporarily carpeted the place. There were disco lights, and there was even a DJ. Probably a senior. People were dancing all over. I guess we were late. I couldn't spot Rosalie inside the crowd.

We stood there at the entrance for some time.

"Um, do you want to…?"Edward began, jerking his thumb towards the crowd.

"Nope."

I looked at him and I knew he was as scared out of his wits as I was. I touched his hand. "Let's get out of here then."

He took my hand in his. It felt warm and nice and my heart seized the opportunity to work harder.

"Good idea."

We walked away, the music gradually growing fainter and fainter.


	7. Chapter 7

We were at the farthest end of the school grounds, flanked by a thicket of birch and ash trees. It was pretty dark there, the last of the lights a good distance away. It was a clear night, and clouds drifted lazily over stars and a crescent moon. It was silent, apart from the occasional vehicle passing in the distance, and the constant trill of crickets from inside the dark expanse of trees.

There were a couple of cracked concrete blocks littering the grass, leftovers from the construction of the new school wing. We sat on top of them, bare toes skimming the wet grass. I looked at the stars, entirely comfortable in the silence.

"I have a telescope at home. It's pretty decent. You can see the moon, Venus, Saturn and even Jupiter and its moons." Edward said quietly from beside me. "If you're interested in that sort of thing, that is." He added quickly.

"I'd love to check it out sometime."

"All right." He grinned.

We sat in silence for a few minutes.

"I used to do this kind of thing with my dad. He was quite the amateur astronomer." I said, growing wistful.

"Oh? But not anymore?"

"No. Um, he passed away a few years ago."

I sat there, picking at the grass at my feet, but I could feel his eyes on me.

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay. It was really hard for my mom and me, but then we kind of learned to deal with it, I guess."

"What happened?"

I looked at him, and he was leaning in towards me, his face serious and his voice quieter than usual.

"Well, um, we used to live in Phoenix before we moved here. My dad was an officer. Somebody reported a car hijack, and my dad attended to it. But it kind of got out of hand. They were carrying weapons and my dad…he got shot. When he was recovering in the hospital, he kind of had a problem with the painkillers."

It still hurt to remember it. "One day my mom found him in the kitchen, on the floor. He'd had an overdose. It was too late by the time they got him to the hospital."

"I'm sorry." He repeated, and I felt his hand on mine. The small gesture was comforting, and I was grateful for it.

"So, was your dad into sky gazing too?" I asked, trying to walk away from the subject.

"Oh." He said, drawing his hand away. I stared at him, sensing I'd asked him the wrong question.

"My dad…", he began, laughing a bitter laugh. "My dad…he was…he was just a sick bastard."

I sat there, looking at him, wondering what the man had done to earn such wrath from this quiet, sweet boy.

"Alice was ten years old then. One day, my mom picked me up from abacus class when she was on her way home from work. They had given one of their tests that day and I had a perfect score. So I was really excited to show it to my dad. When we got home, I ran straight upstairs and I found my dad….without his clothes on." He squeezed his eyes shut, and my heart beat erratically, dreading what was coming. I already knew it. Tears were already rolling down my cheeks.

"Alice was there, and she didn't have clothes on either. I had no idea what was happening then. But then mom followed me up, and she just stayed right where she was. Then she ran straight inside, and yanked Alice away…she picked up the lamp and started beating my dad with it. She was crying so hard."

"She made him leave the house. She stayed on the couch all day, holding Alice and crying. I knew dad had done something wrong, but it was only when I got older that I really understood… how horrible, how _fucking sick_ …." His face was hidden in his hands, and he was shaking slightly.

I got up on my knees, leaning closer and throwing my arms around him. He sat like that for some time, but slowly, he loosened up, and hugged me back. I drew him closer, wishing I could take away all of his sadness. I felt wetness on my shoulder and I knew he was crying too. I drew back, and I wiped his tears, kissing his wet eyelashes.

"Bella…" He said, touching my face and looking at me with sad, moist eyes. I decided to let my insecurities take the back seat, at least for now, and I kissed him. He kissed me back this time, hesitant at first, but growing sure every second. My grip on him tightened, my hands ravaging his hair. His hands were moving down my neck and my shoulders, leaving goose bumps. I let out a gasp when he started moving his lips down my chin, my throat and my shoulders, and my body grew very warm. I pulled his face back up, wanting his lips on mine.

And somewhere in the middle of it all, I realized that I loved the boy in my arms. Loved every inch of him, his quiet voice, his green eyes and mostly, his heart. We held each other, letting the sadness and the transcendent stillness of the night bind us, over and over.


End file.
